Life is like a thrift store puzzle.
It's crappy and you never have everything you need.
-John Horton

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
- Peter McArthur

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.
- Cyril Connolly

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

-Rodney Dangerfield

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

-Granville Hicks

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

-Ronald Reagan

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.
- Calvin Trillin

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
- James Branch Cabell

There are grammatical errors even in his silence.
- Stanislaw J. Lec

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.
- George Orwell