Life is like a thrift store puzzle.
It's crappy and you never have everything you need.
-John Horton

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
- Peter McArthur

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.
- Cyril Connolly

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

-Rodney Dangerfield

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

-Granville Hicks

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

-Ronald Reagan

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.
- Calvin Trillin

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
- James Branch Cabell

There are grammatical errors even in his silence.
- Stanislaw J. Lec

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.
- George Orwell

This morning I hid my neighbors news paper.
It was anarchy.
*-)
-Jet Diamond

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

-Rita Mae Brown

These are some quotes from the book, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.


"I am haunted by humans."
-Death

"He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It's his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry."
-Death

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
-Dan Rather

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
-Thomas Jones

"Mayor McCheese.......that is a good name."
-some gay dude from Halo live

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
-Dick Werthimer

from Hamlet (by William Shakespeare)

I just learned in English class that this was about suicide....it makes so much more sense now.

_________________________________________________________

To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to — 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life,
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
-Mark Twain

There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.
-Pablo Picasso

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
-Oscar Levant

this was someone's sig on imdb.com.....I thought it was pretty hilarious.

Whenever I see clowns, I always think of their relatives and how dissapointed they must be.
-?

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
-Burt Bacharach


You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
-George Burns


A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
-Demetri Martin

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-Demetri Martin


"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears


"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962


"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel

Alfred Borden: You went half way around the world... you spent a fortune... you did terrible things... really terrible things Robert, and all for nothing.
Robert Angier: For nothing?
Alfred Borden: Yeah
Robert Angier: You never understood, why we did this. The audience knows the truth: the world is simple. It's miserable, solid all the way through. But if you could fool them, even for a second, then you can make them wonder, and then you... then you got to see something really special... you really don't know?... it was... it was the look on their faces...


Nikola Tesla: Have you considered the cost of such a machine?
Robert Angier: Price is not an object.
Nikola Tesla: Yes, but have you considered the *cost*?

-The Prestige

With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.
-PJ O'Rourke

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
-Bertrand Russell

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
-CS Lewis

A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
-Unknown

Wuthering Heights

"And I pray one prayer--I repeat it till my tongue stiffens--Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you--haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always--take any form--drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!"

"You have left me so long to struggle against death, alone, that I feel and see only death! I feel like death!"

"Terror made me cruel..."

"Julius Caesar"

"Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, it seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come". (Act II, Scene II).

"Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more". (Act III, Scene II).

"Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings". (Act I, Scene II).